The Reluctant Custard

"What do you mean,
I should have set?",
Said the custard to me.
"Did you ever ask,
What I wanted to be?

I've had it up to here"
(This with a rise, an inch high!)
"With your mix and whisk."
(And expirated with a sigh)
"That vanilla bean just don't fly!

If you hadn't meddled,
You inexperienced rookie,
I could have been
A world-famous cookie,
On a nutty reality show.

Instead, I sit here,
Bludgeoned on the sides.
Unevenly caramelised.
Your stupid venture making
My slices look like slides."

My quip, you ask?
I obviously have none.
Shamefaced and sorry,
I stuff my face
With the reluctant one.